Motherhood – No One Said it Would Be Easy

Most likely you were told, once you had conceived, that being a “Mom” would come naturally and that you shouldn’t be stressing over it. Yep, your own Mother, Grandmother, Sister or Aunt probably told you this, but this same person has conveniently forgotten about the conversation she had with you somewhere between the age of 12 and 15 about the consequences of not abstaining or of having unprotected sex, which besides enabling you to get a nasty STD, could result in the birth of a baby. “Baby” at that time was a 4-letter word that meant the end of your childhood and an abrupt, oftentimes, unwanted graduation to adulthood. The word “motherhood” was probably never mentioned.

The truth, for most people, is somewhere in between the horror story you were being scared into virginity by and the most wondrous experience of your life.

The birth, unless you are extremely young or not healthy, will most likely be a combination of different levels of pain coupled with the uncertainty of the impending changes to your life, then culminating with the miraculous joy that only a mother can know. It doesn’t take long for the pain to fade into the oblivion of the past, especially once you are out of the hospital and home with your little one for the first time as a new mom. Nowadays that usually happens shortly after the first 24 hours, unless you’ve had a C-section, in which case you’ll have about 5 days of pampering and rest before taking on this new little life, or two, or three J, on your own.

During the first few days to a week, your newborn will most likely sleep a whole bunch, only waking to eat or when a diaper needs changing. Most people won’t tell you, or you will have forgotten those warnings of long ago, that your new son or daughter may be up every 2 hours to eat and that you will forget how a good night’s sleep felt. These will be the first of many sleepless nights that sometimes never end, for your children will ALWAYS be your children, regardless of how old they get and how many children they have of their own.

So, be prepared for a wild ride. You can count your additional blessings if your child is born healthy. When added to the stresses of motherhood, an unhealthy or disabled child can almost be your undoing. It takes strength to be a mom and we all possess that in some shape or form. There is no how-to manual for child rearing, as every single baby is as individual as every single adult on the planet. Their cries for food, shrieks of pain or whines for attention will not be the same. In fact, if you have more than one, you will quickly find that it’s like starting from scratch. What always worked to soothe one may or may not work to soothe the other and what foods one liked, the other may not. Even if you have twins or triplets, they can differ greatly and how any one person can deal with triplets and learning three different personalities and their wants and needs is beyond me, but women do it every day, which is another testimony to their strength.

Above all, remember that you are not alone. If you are blessed with a strong support system in the way of family and friends, you are doubly blessed. But, even if you cannot rely upon these particular people, with the internet there is a whole world of women that are in the same boat that you are and are well-equipped with empathy and helpful advice. There is also a wealth of information in books. Just be aware that authors, bloggers, family and friends are all speaking from their own experiences and that yours may be entirely different. But, also don’t NOT seek help from any of these sources or feel that you are a failure because you have. Every single bit of advice and all suggestions should be welcome. If one thing doesn’t work for your baby, something else you read or heard most likely will.

Motherhood is often a game of trial and error and whoever said that it comes “naturally” was not necessarily right. The love comes naturally. The instinct for protecting and caring for your little one comes naturally. But, the hows and the whys often have to be learned, and that learning experience can make you feel inadequate and unsure of yourself. Don’t cave to those feelings. Take strength in the knowledge that women have been doing this for millennium. Cave women did not have books to fall back on. They did not have the internet and they certainly didn’t have modern medicine, and yet…they survived and reared their young. You will too.

Finally, don’t be too proud to ask for help. All of the challenges of taking care of a baby, the laundry, the housework, other children and possibly a job can be overwhelming. No, it is not instinctive to ask for help; in fact it is quite the opposite for many people. But, it is instinctive to care for your baby and if you are suffering from depression or feelings of being overwhelmed and alone, or even of what seems to be uncontrollable anger, then it is critical that you reach out to others to help you through those feelings. Your little one should never suffer as a result and there is nothing better than the satisfaction and reward in your heart when you are able to calmly, rationally and lovingly provide comfort to your baby. You are not alone!